Five Ways to Help Your Young
Adolescent Be Successful in Middle School
- Plan now for the year. Don't wait for
things to go wrong. The first weeks are the honeymoon period of
every new school year when good intentions are uppermost with
students, parents, and teachers. This is the time to talk
honestly with your young adolescent about what worked last year:
studying after school and not after supper; eating breakfast;
keeping an assignment notebook. Talk about what did not work:
staying up too late on school nights; procrastinating on
long-term projects; trying to play on the school team and a
recreation league team in the same season.
- Know what your young adolescent is
doing by talking to him everyday. Don't grill him, but find a
time when you can sit down and really talk about his day. Many
families still make it a priority to sit down for dinner most
nights where they can talk about the events of the day in a calm
and unhurried manner. If dinnertime doesn't work for your
family, perhaps a short walk in the evening or a time before bed
when you can connect and talk about what is important.
- Stay in touch with the school. Middle
level schools are generally organized by teams, often with a
designated team leader, so the team should be your contact.
Other schools have advisory programs and the advisor is the
person to talk to. In either case, know your child's teachers
and stay in contact. Some schools allow you to phone in to hear
about the school and assignments; other schools have Web sites
with lots of information about the school. It doesn't take long
to stay in touch so you know what is going on.
- Encourage your young adolescent to
become an active citizen this year. Have your child practice
doing for others. Visiting a special senior citizen; helping
with community clean-up; or becoming an advocate for recycling,
literacy, or kindness to animals will help your young adolescent
be an involved member of society and maintain that balance
between caring for others and attending to her own needs.
- Remember that middle school is a time
for students to explore new opportunities. Doing well on tests
and learning are critical, of course, but students are also
learning a great deal about themselves. So, think carefully
about what being successful really means. Is it more than
receiving all As? Is it learning to be a self-starter? Is it
learning to follow through on commitments?
What Parents Should Know About
Homework
If Shakespeare were alive
today, he might write "To assign homework, or not to assign
homework, that is the question." While some experts recommend that
schools give no homework at all, most schools have guidelines like
20 minutes of homework per grade or 30 minutes of homework in each
subject every night. But these are hardly accurate gauges of what is
appropriate for every student and such guidelines ignore the
important issue. Does homework really make a difference? Homework is
helpful if it encourages students to think, practice new skills, or
show initiative. You don't have to be the homework police, but make
sure that your young adolescent's homework is meaningful.
- Emphasize quality over quantity.
Thirty math problems may be too many when 15 problems done well
reinforce the mathematical processes.
- Take time to discuss homework
completed. Ask your young adolescent to explain the key ideas.
- Ask to see homework that has been
checked by a teacher. If students know homework will be checked,
they are more likely to complete it.
Parents Ask
Q: "My daughter
spends so much time with her friends that I am concerned that her
mother and I have no influence on her anymore."
A: A recent study reiterated what research has
demonstrated over and over again -- that young adolescents depend on
their parents and other significant adults for critical help and
advice. A popular myth says that young adolescents pull away from
their parents and learn more from peers, but this is not true for
the important issues in their lives. Young adolescents need
guidance, support, and love from their parents, and still depend on
them for shaping the values that guide their lives. Peers are
obviously very important to young adolescents, but for the really
important aspects of their lives, your children depend on you!
TIPS for Parents
The years from 10 to 15 represent a time of
physical, emotional, social, and intellectual change. The former
Center for Early Adolescence identified seven needs that promote
healthy development during this time:
- competence and achievement
- social interaction with peers and
adults
- diversity
- participation in school and community
activities
- self-exploration and definition
- routine, limits, structure
- physical activity
As these needs suggest, young adolescents
search for personal meaning in their lives. They attempt to
determine who they are and what kind of person they will become as
they participate in activities that give them a sense of
accomplishment.
Young adolescents learn to define
themselves by being exposed to a wide variety of experiences.
Exploration is the key word, literally a "trying out" of many
different opportunities and possibilities.
Help your child build meaning in her life
by encouraging "safe" risks and providing parental limits and
unconditional love.
Remember, the experiences that build
responsible, caring, and morally courageous adults begin long before
adulthood. And in this particularly vulnerable period from 10 to 15,
young adolescents need more guidance than ever as they move from
childhood toward adulthood.
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